half past nomad

For my wedding their has only been 2 things that I ever wanted.

1. I wanted to arrive at the wedding riding on an elephant playing the music from Alladin, specifically “Prince Ali”.

” Prince Ali! Handsome is he, Ali Ababwa
That physique! How can I speak
Weak at the knee
Well, get on out in that square
Adjust your veil and prepare
To gawk and grovel and stare at Prince Ali!”

Multiple reasons really. You go to all of these weddings, and they are all the same. 3 days later 80% of the crowd doesn’t remember anything but the food. 2 months later 90% has forgotten everything but the food. 1 yr later everyone but the bride/groom/family forgets everything.

Now though…if I arrived on an elephant though….would anyone forget that wedding? Just imagine…you’re sitting inside of the hall and wondering why the food’s taking so long to arrive…when you hear a faint rumble. You glance at the water glass and see the ripple through it. You hear loud drums, and music…so you get up to see what it is. You join the crowd of rubberneckers at the door seeing what’s coming. All of a sudden an ELEPHANT wanders around the corner, surrounded by a whole group of people. On top of the elephant is the groom.

3 yrs later you’re at another boring wedding, talking about the food and wondering why it’s not their yet. You look and see the water glass jiggle. You wonder, but then you see the kid who knocked the table. You turn to the person next to you and recount the story about this one wedding where the food was aight…but the groom (whose name you don’t remember) showed up on an elephant. An honest to goodness elephant.

2. I’ve always wanted to be able to wake up on the morning of the Valima, and be able to see my pretty bride, my wife, my better 1/2, with my very own eyes.

You see, I’ve had some bad eyesight my entire life. I’m the guy who wears coke bottle glasses. So without them I’m blind as all hell.

Recently I got contacts. Today I fell asleep wearing them. When I got up…I got scared. I was able to see perfectly clearly. At that point I realize..I might get my wish.

Their are 55 hrs and 37 min left to go until the big event. Everyone’s wondering what’s going on in my mind, so here’s a glimpse of the fragmented thoughts going on.

1. Apartment’s nowhere near ready for her, and I need to get stuff better arranged for her.

2. Gotta do laundry

3. Xiaolin Showdown is such a kewl cartoon.

4. Coldfeet? Grooms get coldfeet? Just wear a 2nd pair of socks yo.

5. I just found out that at the wedding their will be an MSA meeting going on….which just goes to show that no matter what is happening MSA work never stops.

6. Hotdogs. I want a hotdog. That an some really good pizza.

7. Do I have socks to go with the wedding outfit?

8. Dang, I should update that blog thingy.

9. I really do need to get that laundry done. I’m leaving ‘morrow.

10. I hope blah can make it. I havn’t seen them in forever.

11. Oh, I got Gmail!

12. I should go to the gym….but will one more time really make a bit of difference?

13. I’m glad that Akds will be there, but sad that Waleed won’t be. But atleast his younger bro will be there.

14. Wanna take a nap.

15. Dang…if I don’t save this now, I’ll have to change the title to 55 hrs and 36 min left to go.

A friend of mine asked me to Quantify my punctuality. Here’s my response.

Depends on the situation. I use a simple differential equation formula that I created.

It takes into account different situations, and variables. The main variables are:

1. Culture of where I’m going. If I’m going to an American event, I’m supposed to be on time. If I’m going to a mixed Desi event I want to try to arrive 37 minutes late. If it’s a total Hydro event, then I want to try to be 53.2 minutes late. If I’m going to an Afghani event, then I want to try to be somewhere between 9-16 minutes early. The better I know the people, the earlier I am.

2. If it’s a Masjid event, it’s a functional variable. If the event is Salat then it’s something in which I need to arrive about 3.7 min early. If it’s something that doesn’t involve Salat, then I need to arrive about 12.6 min late. For events in which I need to do Wudu, then I need a multiplier of 1.5 to that.

3. Culture of the city in which I’m in. I use the Malaki madhab and assume that the norms of the culture in which I’m in are acceptable. So if the city assumes that I’m going to be late then I need to subtract that from the other times. For Chicago I’m always an extra 43 minutes later. For Louisville it’s only 12 minutes. Bloomington is only 8. Hydrobad is an extra 73.9 minutes.

4. My role in the event. If I’m a participant then this variable is a 1. If I’m the man center of attention then I’m later by a log variable of y=ln x. The more vital I am, the later I am. For my wedding, I’m important so I come in late. If I’m the Khateeb I come in later, but it’s still acceptable. The Khateeb is supposed to come in at the 2nd Adhan, not the 1st Adhan so it’s acceptable.

5. There are other variables also. If I hate the event then I come in an extra 10.3 min later. If I have something else to do afterwards, then I come in -5.1 min later, so that I can leave earlier.

So in essence, I use EST. Engineering Standard Time. My lateness/earliness is based on maximizing my utility, and minimizing waste.

Yes you heard it. It’s shocking to me as it is to you. It’s still something that I’m surprised that I did. It’s something which had to be done, and I have no regrets at doing it. I guess the stress of everything going on finally got to me.
I went and did the Wedding Registry all by myself. In doing so, they gave me the scanner gun to do it. Dangerous I know. Giving a guy the sole power to do it. It’s something that we’ve put off for awhile…but had to be done. Both she and I have been too busy to go and do it, but Alas I went and did it.

I’m walking around Bed Bath and Beyond and get all kinds of weird looks. The lady who is in charge of this says that I’m the only guy who she’s ever seen come and do this on his own. She slips me a coupon for 10% off future purchases for being this brave. Also she stops in to help me make sure it’s all their. (It wasn’t, I didn’t order enough towels.)

Target isn’t as bad. So many people their that I just blindly fit into the crowd.

Bed Bath and Beyond is definetly more friendly.

Check it out at both sites, and let me know how I did. You’ll see some definite “guy” stuff on their.

http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com

http://www.target.com

My last name is Osman, and the wedding is in Illinois. It’s the only one listed.

Engagement rings.

In choosing a ring their are a myraid of different options. Different cuts, color, carat, and clarity. Their are different types of metals for the ring also. All of these things affect the way the rock looks, and how much it costs.

I always wondered what the point was, and if it really meant anything else aside from being a piece of shiny jewelry. Does it really mean something, or is it just something created by the jewelry industry to get us to spend some hard earned cash.

That was until she gave me a ring at our engagement party. Now that I’ve had it on for several days, I’ve gotten to get a better idea. It’s something which is from her, which reminds me of her whenever I look at it. It’s a quick “emotion pick me up” during the day. It’s a reminder of how our destinies and our faith’s are bound togather for the remainder of eternity.
Plus it’s kinda kewl to have some bling bling on my finger.

The funny thing about blog hopping is how brave it makes you. How it excites you and it makes you think “hey! i can write like that! I can pics of myself, do crazy self-portraits and I can take pics of my street outside and that shopping mall I goto and that secret snack I eat on my own and I can write like this and I can write like that and I can be brilliance bursting and-”

-and then you remember that posting images worries you and that writing too openly worries you and that being too public worries you and that finally being out of control worries you and you remember that you’re the over-analytical consultant with the bright neon pink tie. And that sometimes worries you too.

And you take lousy photos.