half past nomad

via Reuters:

A survey of 100 men and women by researchers at the University of Maine, showed that women are not impressed by bungee jumping and other risky types of behaviour but actually prefer men who take fewer chances. …

damn..

*puts bungee jumping gear away*

-akds

So I had never seen a puppy in real life before until recently… I think any animal in its infant stages has to evoke some emotion, no matter how emotionally empty you are. Myself, of course, being the epitome of emptiness. I’m like a blackhole. Wait, actually the opposite, since a blackhole is actually very dense… I think … nevermind. Anyway, this is just my defense for saying “aww” (on the inside!) when I first saw the puppy. You have to understand I am very uncomfortable with the whole notion of vocalizing appreciation for “cute” things. My friend had a son, and I met him 1 year later and while everyone kept saying “aww what a cute baby” I managed to fumble, “whoa cool baby.” Plus it’s way manlier to repress all your feelings… Right?

Regardless, social etiquette demanded I pet the puppy (damn you social etiquette!! Why must you rule my life?!). This brings me to my next painful point: one of my best friends had a cat. Cats are perfect for the emotionally inept person. You can pet them and then they just look around and walk away. Perfect. With the puppy, you pet it and it just stands there.

Damn..

-akds

So, I figured out that my cell actually does receive SMS messages (I KID YOU NOT!). This in contrast to what I’ve been telling everyone:

Them: “Well you could just send me a SMS.”
Me: “My phone doesn’t have SMS …”
Them: “Your phone is retarded and I hate you.”

I guess I should have learned my lesson when after two years of having a cellphone and vehemently denying to both shahid and waleed (jointly and individually) that my phone didn’t have 3 way conference calling capabilities… Only to discover that it did 2 years later (I cry myself to sleep every night).

What’s perhaps even more alarming than the fact that I actually do have SMS capability, despite violently denying its existence to people of all races, is people all over blogistan admitting to being in love with fictional characters with top hats.?.!… oh and that also I’ve actually been getting SMS messages for like MONTHS!!

People! WHy are you sending me SMS messages?! I like check my voice mail once a month. I had to delete 23 messages last Tuesday … All you people who left me voice mail .. prepare to recieve disparaging messages over SMS… (once I figure out how to send them …)

This reminds me how my room mate used to threaten me with my cell phone. You see, my cell phone used to give off this really loud beep randomly every now and then.

Now imagine that it beeps in the middle of the night and you’re dreaming about aliens invading earth with deadly death ray guns and then your cellphone gives that loud beep at the same exact time the alien has his death ray gun pointed precisely at you… Let’s just say that there are only so many times you can wake up screaming like a girl. … So apparently it was beeping because the phone was telling me to check my SMS inbox. Sorry for waking you up all those times imad =(

Now I would like you all to take a moment and pause and admire how I linked the previous paragraph with its previous paragraph using the word “threat”. Yeah that’s right baby… it’s called a paragraph transition…

Anyway, I thought maybe I should call back the people who SMSed me and reply to their SMS despite the messages being months old. Here are some of the messages I’ve received but never knew I received:

SMS: “farzad is on geneva ct.”
ME: Fantastic but who or what is farzad?

SMS: waleeds trying 2 call
ME: What!? No he hasn’t. I’ve been free the whole day…

SMS: is majeed still in town
ME: Mayhaps.

I am really psyched about using mayhaps. I’ve been reading fiction again and I think mayhaps is a totally underrated word. It’s like you are about to say maybe but at the last second you trick the listener by ending with haps. As in perhaps?! Damn. that’s so sweet it’s awesomely sweet by default!!.

Mayhaps: Fit for a pirate but made for common village folk.

-akds