Now that I’ve lost everything to you
April 5th, 2004 byI remember when I moved to the east coast.
I was born again.
I breathed again.
I lived again.
There were a million sensations, a thousand emotions and each breath was an alhamdulilah.
Alhamdulilah.
I remember the stars, I remember the night sky, I remember the paths that wound around the college campus that dove in and out of the jungle foliage. And I remember my praying rug, a green plastic traveling companion that still holds a special place in my backpack. Some things, you just cannot do without.
I remember the places I would walk by, the dozens and dozens of shops that beckoned me to stare that them, the window displays that would stand still for me, the eateries that proudly cooked their wares just for me. It was all for me, always for me. And I remember my meals, all. I remember being alone, I remember the subway sandwiches, the Food Factory meals, the campus cheese burgers and the gazillions Pepsi products I bought and that one giant water bottle I just wouldn’t let go of.
With every new place, I was defined again, God’s incredible plan in shaping me unfolding, unstoppable. With every new place, I was questioned again and again and yet again of who I was and who I chose to be, God’s amazing plan in creating me into the person I begged him to let me be. With every change of my plans, I was pushed and challenged into growing, into being more, into doing more, God’s unseen plan in action.
In fourteenYears, this is my third visit to Pakistan and possibly my first visit as an adult.
For so long, I have become accustomed to not being Pakistani, to be in this country- is confusing.
For so long, I have moved, traveled, packed and unpacked, that to sleep in a house my parents built- is indescribable.
For I’m currently in the last place in the world I expected myself to be, exercising an option I thought I would never ever have to, and living a life that I didn’t know I could.
April 5th, 2004 at 11:57 pm
Wowee you’re in Pakistan too!! Is it just me, or is everyone heading out there these days, either permanently or for a reaaal long time?? *confused*
Anyhow, I wish you allll the best in your endeavors Waleed and alllll your nomadic adventures, inshaAllah.
Pakistan is quite a confusing place, but it opens your eyes to various existing culture scales and a whole new way of thinking! It’s interesting to see where we all end up, without ever giving the chance of it a second thought. InshaALlah it’s all for the best.
But now if you’ll allow me…. *points and laughs* Aiinnhh Haiinnh You’re in Pakistan!
Fi AmanAllah, have fun!!
April 6th, 2004 at 2:25 am
Life is a journey bro and the best roadtrips are always the ones that take you where you didn’t know you could go.
April 7th, 2004 at 4:52 am
Hey man, your sister is cool.
And Maryam the monkey gave me your mother’s watch. Then she took it back. Then she threw it down the stairs and broke it. Such a nice little girl. :p
April 9th, 2004 at 10:42 am
A new adventure begins! Embrace every opportunity to open new chapters in your life, for you only live once. Good on you.
April 9th, 2004 at 12:09 pm
hmmm i think the most difficult thing in the world is to loosen our grip a little, let go of the steering wheel that we clutch on to so tightly for fear of losing control…. and to simply have faith in His plan… and then even more difficult, to watch it unfold… and to witness it be as someone mentionned above, NOTHING remotely close to the blueprint you’ve sketched out. its all about having faith in His plan i guess….
i pray the next few chapters are all the more surprising in the most inspiring, beautiful, stress-free ways possible.
take care.
April 11th, 2004 at 5:41 am
well put elmanie. i was basically going to say something similar to that. have faith and all is well.
April 14th, 2004 at 11:10 am
so how is the monkey neice? and how comes abez knows her? is blogistan all connected like this … mafia style?
April 19th, 2004 at 4:06 pm
Phatima, we’d tell you, but then we’d have to kill you…
Seriously though, Waleed’s sister was in my part of Pakiland so we took her shopping. A very cool sista.