This is between Me and my servant
February 4th, 2004 byMusa (pbuh) once made a dua:
“Oh Allah! I am in desperate need of any good you can send my way”
(paraphrased)
I marvel at this tiny phrase, this immaculate prayer and I cannot imagine me being in any other stage except for the one of a desperate need of any good from Allah.
Oh Allah! It is your mercy I seek, so please do not leave me in charge of my own affairs, even for a blink of an eye. Did you know that when you perform you salat, Allah turns to you with His Face and faces you as such? That when you stand in salat, you literally stand infront of God Almighty himself? That when you recite each verse of Surah Al-Fatiha, Allah himself answers to you?
I once heard someone speak of the most disgusting man that exists. It will be him who believes himself outside the forgiveness and mercy of his Lord.
It’s a little weird, but I cannot give it up now. The only way I did before was in leaving everything in His hands. For a whole year, I prayed alone, by myself, my entire jamaat consisting of me, and whatever jinns/angels behind me – I know not of such things. For an entire year, I made sajood alone except during Jumma where I was even more lonely. A whole year that existed between me, and my Allah alone. Now, alhamdulilah, I’m in jamaat 4 times a day. I cannot imagine life without it.
I cannot imagine my life without my salat, without my astaghfar, without my praises to Allah. I cannot imagine my life without my duas, my pleas, without my screaming whispers of peace. I cannot imagine my life without my sajood, my dhikr before sleep, without that first line at the masjid.
Last night I held my hands up in dua during witr, and I held them up high. And I could not hold them up, but without my head trembling, face downcast fully. Afraid to speak, afraid to ask, afraid to move, I stood there gathering courage to ask beg. My voice came out shaking, my hands clasped together, my shoulders hunched up, my feet and knees touching each other.
With what strength do I demand from him? None.
With what pride do I demand from him? None.
With what acts to boast of, do I demand from him? None
With thanks I sank down to sajood.
Humble me yet my Creator.
February 5th, 2004 at 12:24 am
You shocked the socks off folks with that entry. They’re all probably too scared to comment now.
But I comment… I say: God knows it all bro. He knows your each worry and aprehension. Just pray. You can’t expect something to happen if you don’t ask the one who makes everything happen.
(Aw yeah, too early in the morning for coherence. I gonna go eat cereal now)
February 5th, 2004 at 12:42 am
aw snap. it’s nice to hear people are at that level. where every action still means something. not just a habit. that’s what we’re all afraid of i think. that it’s actually within us. and i agree with owl. He knows your intentions. ask away. He tells you all you have to do is ask.
February 6th, 2004 at 2:49 am
We have nothing to lose in begging from our Lord, except that we may forfeit mercies and blessings incomparable by failing to request from Him.
All that you pray for, may it be granted, insha’Allah.