Barbershop
October 14th, 2003 byI’ve moved so many times in my life, that I haven’t even had the chance to go to the same barber for more then 2 haircuts. Imagine that. I get a haircut approximately 10-12 times every year. I’m 23 years old. Excluding baby years, that’s over 200 haircuts, no two three by the same person.
That’s why I didn’t want to come to graduate school in Pennsylvania. I had finally found a barber in Virginia and just couldn’t bear to leave him. He. Knew. My. Name. I think.
The shop is almost half the size of my bedroom, with just one chair for the client to sit upon. The “hall” contains about 6 other chairs, a magazine stand and a TV up on an altar. His name is either Kerry or Terry, I can never remember which one and always mumble his name in order to get it just right. To be up to date with the college students, the owner apparently subscribes to Playboy and Maxim. I always go in and turn them upside down. Next time, I may even bring along a Sharpie pen to draw moustaches and larger pupils.
The shop has no telephone, no credit card reader, nothing of the sort. Outside the narrow door outlet, a small barber striped pole stands. A small wooden sign above the door is barely visible next to all the neon lights from neighboring stores. It’s an invisible store on main street, downtown.
Being a new person in town, I always research my own way: I ask random strangers on the street who they think is the most decent male Barber in town. Finally, the guy who makes my sandwiches at Subway recommended him, removing his baseball cap to show me the masterpiece.
Well, I do trust him with my sandwiches…, I thought.
Terry/Kerry does great work. He’s been running the store for 40+ years now. He lives a few miles from there and is in touch with his wife at all times with a 5 mile radius walkie talkie. Turns out, despite being hidden in a haystack, he’s one of the most popular fella’s in town with an unbeatable conversation; the shop is always laden with old towns folks who sit and talk about the good ol’ days, the upcoming parades or how they sat in the back of their pa’s truck to see that baseball game.
Unlike Calvin, I look forward to my upcoming visit in the next few days.
October 14th, 2003 at 11:23 am
the best haircut i ever experienced was one that i saw being given. this was in pakistan. the barber first gave my brother a shoulder massage and then with meticulous care he gave him a shave and then a cut. the work was done with such specificity that just remembering it’s immaculateness makes me want to get one right now.
October 14th, 2003 at 1:49 pm
i just make my sister cut my hair. she does a nice job, plus, i don’t have to pay her! works out real well, i say.
re. chai’s comment about meticulous care: a professor of mine pointed out very recently that hand-eye coordination and sophisticated analyses are characteristics of both hair-cutters and surgeons. it’s just that hair-cutters are usually paid/appreciated less.
you know, waleed, for a while there i was confused as to whether you kept referring to yourself as a nomad in a figurative or a literal sense. but, damn, that’s a lot of moving around.
October 14th, 2003 at 2:04 pm
There are no muslim hairdressers where I live.
You can just imagine my dilema
Since I was a wee thing I used to go to this lady’s house but since I started covering she’s been really harsh. No more visiting her.
Still in the process of locating someone to make me look human again. May take a while.
October 14th, 2003 at 4:11 pm
No way have you moved 200 times in your life. I just don’t believe it.
Anyhow, I need a haircut. Thanks for reminding me!
October 14th, 2003 at 6:29 pm
No, I haven’t moved 200 times. That’s a lot, even for me. Re-read that part =)
I did a count the other day. I’ve moved over 18 times in my life.
October 14th, 2003 at 6:41 pm
Jaded brings up another point. Supporting your local muslim business. But what if the business is providing a low quality service? Despite repeated visits? Or the cost is too high?
No set law…your personal call there I guess. One more reason why I’m glad I don’t run a business.
October 14th, 2003 at 7:22 pm
the senctence says that you’ve had atleast 200 haircuts and no two by the same person, that means a different person did each haircut.
since you made a connection between moving and getting haircuts at different places, we can then assume that the reason your 200 haircuts were at 200 different barbers is because you’ve moved 200 times.
the first sentence says that you’ve not gone to the same barber for more than 2 haircuts, here you imply that you’ve been to the same barber twice. Which clearly contradicts the last sentence in that paragraph.
In either case, the math is hard to believe. It just doesn’t work out.
Since you say “baby years” it has to be more than one, so we shall assume 2. Therefore that’s atleast 200 haircuts (because you say “over” 200) in 21 years. So per year that’s 9.5 haircuts.
This means that you get a hair cut every one month and 8 days. Let’s assume each haircut costs 8.5 US dollars, that means you spend 80 dollars and 75 cents per year just on your hair cuts. and you’re a guy… so the math just doesn’t add up.
I try and keep large gaps between my haircuts, first of all I dislike getting haircuts… so i try and avoid them as long as possible. On average I get a hair every 2 to 4 months. That means per year I get 4. That’s half the amount of haircuts you get. sure I agree that different people’s hair grows at a different rate. sure. BUT, the figure 200 haircuts heavily depends on you getting a hair but practically each month. and to say that you’ve never missed a haircut appointment is stretching it. even ladies miss their hair appointments sometimes.
Anyway, the hard evidence presented above makes your story one that is hard to believe, even though it may be slightly through.
I suggest you come clean here Waleed…
October 14th, 2003 at 7:30 pm
the glaring spelling mistakes in my above post are Waleed’s fault… :p
October 14th, 2003 at 9:55 pm
=) Adnan my dear brother…
Ok, here we go.
You’re right about the last sentence of my first paragraph; I’ve corrected it.
Your assumption about me moving 200 times is just that. An assumption, alas an invalid one. I say I move a lot, I didn’t say that it was directly related to the number of people who have run their hands through my hair. Thankfully.
Also, baby years for you may start from age 1, but most young children start getting haircuts from the age 2-3 onwards; perhaps you got early visitation rights to your barber, congrats to ye.
I’m 23 right now. I did a rough estimate of haircuts from the age of 3 onwards.
Do I get so many haircuts, despite being a male? Yes. Many of our people do, though not all choose to use their rights to do so. Once upon a time, 10-12 haircuts/year may have seemed excessive but hardworking feminists have ensured the rights of males to multiple haircuts. God bless them, each and everyone (but not the one on the corner of 7th and St Peter Avenue).
Perhaps you wonder, “Why does Waleed go so often?”
Because my hair grows thick (alhamdulilah) and fast (alhamdulilah). Not wishing to look like McGuyver, I use my right to haircuts.
And I’m a guy. Atleast you got one thing right.
Yes, the math may be hard to believe. But it’s easy to swallow. I would recommend an ice cold root beer float.
October 14th, 2003 at 11:11 pm
“No, I haven’t moved 200 times. That’s a lot, even for me. Re-read that part =)”
Okaaaaay…
“I’ve moved so many times in my life, that I haven’t even had the chance to go to the same barber for more then 2 haircuts. Imagine that. I get a haircut approximately 10-12 times every year.”
So you move five-six times a year? :/ Or was that first sentence a hyperbole? I’m confused.
October 14th, 2003 at 11:56 pm
=) I’ll explain. Yes, I moved a lot. I just didn’t goto a specific barber whilst I was growing up. Where I grew up, you didn’t have dedicated barbers or salons. You just went to the one which could spit you out the fastest.
After a whilst, because you move so often, having a dedicated barber is the last of your worries. You just go to any one, anywhere.
Finally this year, I actually decided to get me one. It’s actually kinda nice.
Happy now Faiza? =)
October 15th, 2003 at 7:27 am
Aww your 23? MashAllah.
Judging from your writing I would have thought you were older! Not that writing is an accurate way to judge someones age
October 15th, 2003 at 8:48 am
not so fast there waleed, you said in the very first senctence that you move so much that you don’t get a chance to go to the same barber for more than two haircuts…
“I’ve moved so many times in my life, that I haven’t even had the chance to go to the same barber for more then 2 haircuts.”
I think that’s more than enough of a connection between moving and haricuts… now if they were two different sentences seperated by a couple of paragraphs then fine, but they’re not they’re in the same sentence seperated by a mere comma and the word “that”, implying “such that”, therefore making a strong connection between the first and second parts of that sentence, thereby connecting moving and getting haircuts at different places.
not only that but now that you explain the *real* reason for you getting haircuts at different places we realize it was pure choice and not matters beyond your control. because you could have waited at the other barber shop till the barber got your name right.
the other option is ofcourse to wear a name tag each time you go to a different barber, then without asking for your name the barber will know your name, and you can create the feeling that you’ve been going to that barber for a long period of time… and that the barber keeps forgetting everything about you but your name…
October 15th, 2003 at 8:52 am
this is a mere addendum to adnan’s post above. you could easily familiarize yourself with the afore mentioned barber by simply getting your name shaved in the back of your head. leaving the afore mentioned barber no choice but to recall your name every time you walk in.
October 15th, 2003 at 9:52 am
See, had I had these suggestions at the age of 6, they would have been so very useful. Heck, I pro’lly would have applied them too, with great care and immense vigour.
Thanks you two. Once again, my blog has changed my life.
Not!
PS: when you’ve been up all night, exhausted, on a second wind, things seem far far more humorous then otherwise. Adnan, thanks for a deep laugh. Chai, you get credit for the extended chuckling.